Drowning In Myself (Single)

by How Scandinavian

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1.
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04:59

about

"Drowning In Myself" was written in early 2012 when the original live band was at the peak of its powers, but I've had the strange fortune of just never really feeling confident in any recorded version from that era; the only thing remaining from 2012 is the partial drum track, opening guitar line, and organ.

I've played this song numerous times with every single incarnation of the live band to date, and it isn't exactly on my top list of songs that need revisions of any sort so I just figured it was time to get it out. It was originally intended to be the closing song of How Scandinavian's 2nd album but over time it just had less and less to do with any of the material that is now set to be a part of it. I then figured it could fit into Kinch Service (title of the 6th How Scandinavian EP) but, with more time passing, I did not feel that it was a proper place for it.

Because of those factors, I simply felt that the song was just meant to be released as a standalone song; it never really fit with the rest of material that we played in 2012 and it fits even less now. Despite the setbacks, I do still enjoy occasionally practicing this song with the band and it is now officially a "live rarity" to me now that it has an official release.

"Miscreants" is another song that had its genesis from the 2012 live band's frequent rehearsals and shows, and because of that I feel it is an appropriate companion song to "Drowning In Myself".

With this song I was definitely wearing some of my influences at time (my shoddy interpretation of playing a "shoegazey guitar line") on my sleeve, and it now sounds a little silly to me personally. The melodramatic nature of the song is not really something that I can do as well anymore, and that's partially why I still occasionally ask the band to play it at practice; it might even get a arrangement makeover in the future.

On an amusing note, I recall a very memorable (to me) performance of "Miscreants" to a incredibly sleepy crowd at about 2AM at the (now no longer existing?) Oasis. I remember thinking that this was the direction that How Scandinavian would go into after "Pity Won" (it was mostly recorded in the same "sessions" as the songs that appeared on it) but of course that was not meant to be with what would be released later on.

I hope that How Scandinavian's listeners enjoy these two songs and that it will hold them over just a little while longer for the next era of songs I have cooking.

All the best,
- Bryan

credits

released December 7, 2014

Bass, Drums, Guitar, Organ, Vocals - Bryan Santizo
Recorded and Mixed at The Lost Ooze between 2012-2014
All songs written and produced by Bryan Santizo.

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How Scandinavian Palmdale, California

Alias of Bryan Santizo, founded in 2008.

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Track Name: Drowning In Myself
a silent cross through hit and run
no mercy sown behind that one
swinging the broken thoughts
they just watch but I can laugh it off

on your heels of flattery
and all those familiar fools
they trip to fall under your weight
I watched these scenes always replaying

didn't have the words set up
that time from your life spells out just what you see
always some past to which I cannot commit

and what do I have to say for myself?
where's the muse, the contention,
the inherent single sense of suspicion
that this is my way to go

My memory, such a slave to certainty
cause all the letters and notes
in fancy papers or envelopes
couldn't be worth
much in weight, even less in ACTUAL answers

but I guess that's the joke
changing face and landscape to boast
I remember my naviety
back in the summer, running by water

enough reminiscing
you could stay there forever
I'll just let myself out
and try not to drown in myself

goodbye my love
goodbye my love forever
you've had too long to wait for me

so just keep me in mind
as long as you can

goodbye my love
goodbye my love
for you and for anyone
I'm letting myself out
once again
Track Name: Miscreants
too much time to live on
I feel as though this is an act
amount to nothing perhaps
it must be the end I saw now

sickening majority when
I think of everyone I've met
it's hard to not wish to be gone
too many lives, too many times to waste away

but no one told us how
nobody taught me how to run
walking from it all
nobody taught me how to live

you're always looking down
nobody told me how to run

I guess it's hard to live
knowing there's nowhere else to go

another torn explanation of
details I don't care about
dripping away
dripping stagnation on your face again

just drag your feet in the ground
cause there's no safe way
without falling down
nobody taught me how to run

wish you were gone and dead
nobody taught me how to live

I guess it's just something else
nobody taught me how to run

walking on two feet now...
nobody taught me how

pass it away, pass it on
pass away another day again
to say it wasn't a waste
but you know it was

wake up again knowing
there's nothing
nothing new, nothing left to live

but heard it before
you should have changed something
but now it's too late

you know it's wrong
nobody taught you how to live

I guess it's something else now
nobody taught you how to run

knowing there's something else
nobody taught you how to run

you know there's something else
tell me there's a reason too