Dolorous

by How Scandinavian

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about

The debut album, and it shows in certain places both good and bad. I don't really know what to write about this one other than it is a culmination of the time period (2010-2011) and it isn't a direction that I attempted to go to afterward. It's a 'dark' and 'sad' record and I think it particularly shines in that regard.

When I first released it I didn't really hear all the faults that were present and I guess I just wanted to release it and get it over with. This was a bit of a mistake at the time and now almost 3 years later it is easier to understand and fix those faults. So slowly I have began to restore the entire album to make it sound better and have it properly mastered.

Some songs really benefit from a new mix ("Carson", and "This Heaven") and others just sound better than ever before. So do give it a re-download if you want the definitive' version of Dolorous!

DISCLAIMER (as of 4/07/14) :I'm not completely done with the new mixes, particularly "Teenage Hand Models" and "Forgotten Season" are not the new improved mixes. I hope to have that uploaded by the end of the month at the latest.

credits

released October 27, 2011

Bryan Santizo - Everything

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about

How Scandinavian Palmdale, California

Alias of Bryan Santizo, founded in 2008.

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Track Name: Belong Here
Living with the spare thoughts
knowing this has grown apart
conscious guilt slowly caught
how willing to run and forget?
to run and forget
to run and forget
to run and forget...

why do you look lost?
cause you belong here
I wish I never woke up
why did i come here?
remember what you once said
nothing that's correct
why do you look lost?
cause you belong here
I wish I never woke up
why did i come here?
leaving something already left
that long disappeared

it's hard to say how long it's been
since i've last felt so certain
cause my memories will outlast
yours
so turn away some doubt for once
and we'll be at the top of all the fronts
without a sense of lonely
hypocrisy

but

i'm going about my way again
i'm going about my way
i'm going about my way again
i'm going about my way

why do you look lost?
cause you belong here
I wish I never woke up
why did i come here?
remember what you once said
nothing that's correct
why do you look lost?
cause you belong here
I wish I never woke up
why did i come here?
leaving something already left
that long disappeared
Track Name: Results of a Suspicion
wow, did you think I wouldn't suspect a thing?
lagging on every single word that you seem to bring
with cotton in your mouth, I bet it must've taken a long time
you know it wasn't right
I never expected better from you
but I guess I surely know right?

I didn't want to take it
but now i have to save this
cause I found myself
against (the) repeating tides

I didn't want to say it
but now I have to take it,
wasting lines like this
for spirits too weak to come true

something without taste
it's just another chase
you seem to enjoy
being lower than dirt
it's true
around here I found my own way

You're charming but forever without class
wearing this like you got something to show (it's wrong)
find us another way, find me another way to stay interested, interested...
in your complicated web
(of throwing everyone down the way)

whatever is the matter and once again
you all stick and I'm not running for it
I was gone and we're still gone
in every single way
closer to the truth that everyone loves to fake

I didn't want to take it
but now I have to save this
cause I found myself
against your true volition

I didn't want to say it
but now I have to take it,
wasting lines like this
for spirits too weak to come true

so what are you hiding
in that empty head
something without taste
something to display
shouldn't have taken you
that long to fucking to say
(to say) the words that spill around and round for more

the paint is drying up
with all my limbs falling asleep
then winter comes
and I'm sure it's a terrible treat
to find out
I think I never saw you
in a situation
quite like this
care to inform me?
I bet not
so here's a 'Touch of Evil'
Herman is waiting with the score
I'll see you outside
I'll see you outside

i didn't want to say it but now I'm saying it
it's never been better for nobody but me
Track Name: Teenage Hand Models
Lost simplicities
that I would see you
stealing all those words
we had about you

thinking we had time...
but I guess it's true

we're no longer young after all
no wonders, we've spent it all
no false step to fall on
send it all away
sent away

treading in the sea's maze
just to pass the time
only memories can anchor meaning for us
despite minutes of pace
nothing is clearly defined
then I remember that

We're no longer young after all
all wonders come from a heart
know that those feelings were true
it's come to that
so now

I know
I know you've known best
and turning around
realizing that there's more
to living than this

farewell to my aging youth
you've been great to me till now
I can face this alone
goodbye I won't forget you
Track Name: The Moment Ends
Giving myself up back then
seemed so much easier to swallow whole
But I think about the times I wouldn't reach out
to anyone but my single self detached imagination

oh, I think about the simple degenerations
but I would reach out to anyone but you
anyone who had an interest
but I don't blame myself for you
or anyone at all

because it wasn't meant to be
and nothing would change that
for you or me
for you or me, no.

nothing could change that either way

looking around, thinking about what's been going down
to your reflect-tations of simple desires
that were never fulfilled

and what do you want from this?
what do you want from this?
cause nothing ever seemed to matter to you,
to you,
to you
nothing seemed to matter at all

but I think about all the times
that we spent alone
running, waiting
for a moment to end
even though there are only five minutes left
to really grasp
those changes that we have forsaken
for a better life
i left it then
so what do you want now?
cause I can't decide anymore for, anymore for you
it's over.
Track Name: Carson
running to the gates
running to the gate with my friends
I didn't want to leave class
I didn't want to leave my class
But there was so much to
But there was so much to look forward to
Next year too, again
I would have spent it
I would have spent it with them, with them

sometimes the clouds remind me overhead
sometimes I think about faded memories
sometimes I think above my head, above my head
remind me of all the times I would've wished you were there
sometimes the plane overhead, over my head
sometimes everything reminds me of another place instead
I never said goodbye
I never said goodbye...

I picked it up for you
I picked it up for you
and I never saw you again, never saw you again
I came back rushing
I came back rushing just to say
that I wasn't coming back
that I wasn't coming back

I expected to see your face one last time
but she told me no, class had ended two hours ago
and I felt the tears coming for the first time in months
because I kinda accepted it, that I was gone from your life
for the next five years or more

Sometimes I think about whatever could have happened
sometimes I think about nothing
and if I get corrupted by the present beings
I wouldn't stop because I knew it was the most important thing
and sometimes I think about what could have been
but it's just something that's more close to me, than you could ever imagine
and sometimes I think about what I left, what I left
sometimes I think about the planes over my head
that make that sound that remind me of the whole place I used to live, I used to live!
But now I'm dead, killing time, just to return to another place that doesn't exist anymore

(it's) taken away
taken away
it's taken away
taken away

sometimes I think about... Carson, more than anything else
no one will relate to this because I was all by myself
and sometimes it's the only thing stopping me from being completely happy
it's not no one's fault, it's not anyone's fault, I think
cause sometimes life works in interesting ways I'll never understand

and I don't mean to dwell on the past
I just want to honor it for myself and all of my old friends
and people I knew and the memories of being there
were so important to me
because nobody else could have been there
I don't think so
except my old faded memories
and I said I would come back
but I never came back
never said goodbye
and it's tearing me apart
more than anything else
anything else in my life